The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

2024

My brother's wedding

Unmasking Autism

Social skills at the gym

Lloret del Mar #2

Meetup at a Vermouth bar

I cleaned up the vomit of a child of a minor Catalan celebrity

Flying to Birmingham

A plaid-shirted man called Ben and his bald mate Terry

Watching children pretending to be a pack of dogs

Brownest eyes you've ever seen

My hand's getting tired from pumping

You've won a burger

Valentine's Day

Hair transplant #2

Three Kings Day

2023

2023-12-25 Christmas day

2023-12-23 Walking around town dressed as Santa

Christmas choir

Christmas party

Barcelona, day 2

Barcelona, day 1

Short film competition

And then it was Christmas

Throwing away the cleaning robot

I lost my diary and I can't do a poo

I did The Crystal Maze Experience in Manchester

My shoes are crap

The week I had an ear infection

Children's clothes

Cum on your tits

Flying back to Girona

Drayton Manor Resort

My sister's wedding

My brother's 31st birthday

Sonic the Comic convention in York

Fucking lazy bitch

Big Bird crouching down and urinating into a plastic cup

One of the dads at school is a policeman

Coworking and getting stuck in a lift

Helping a woman cheat on her exam

Cleaning robot presumed dead

2022

If you want to be famous, have sex with underage girls

Sending $10,000 to my friend Joe who's got a crypto investment fund

Putting Oldest Son to bed

Advent calendars

I went to Comic-Con dressed as a ghostbuster

Stop being a loser

Walking to the rock climbing centre

The Queen is dead, long live the King

Still poor by the time I'm 100

Birmingham, day 18

Birmingham, day 16 (strawberry picking)

Birmingham, day 11 (Rookery Park in Erdington)

Butlins, day 3 (constipation)

The nightmare nine-hour car journey to Butlins

Today I pooed my pants

Birmingham, day 6

Birmingham, day 5

Birmingham, day 4

Birmingham, day 2

Birmingham, day 1

The journey from Ibiza to Girona

Gollum on testosterone

Running non-stop ever since he came out of his mom's womb

Ultra-secret Duplo meet-up

K-shaped cattle iron

Stephen Mulhern's got a little willy

Catalan Guy Fawkes Night

The whole planet is swamped in bullshit

Breaking into my own apartment

I shouted at a waitress

Registering 2-year-old at the town hall

More interested in the trees than in making conversation

Blow my head off with a homemade shotgun

Reserved for a birthday party

Registering 2-year-old's birth

Saint George's Day

Hospital, day 4

Hospital, day 3

Almost two weeks overdue

Punched in the shoulder

My vagina is bleeding

I got a front spot at Bodycombat

Making two films in one day

2021

Lego Minifigures

Clothes shopping

Bread and Chocolate Fair

The fly, part 2

My braces come off

Girona annual fair

My dad's gone grey

The sign, part 2

Finding out the gender of my second child

I've bought a vibrator

Late for school

Dads' night out

My first crosstraining class

Getting my braces taken off

I licked the inside of a conker

Viewer beware, you're in for childhood trauma

Hallucinating you're a Paw Patrol dog

Getting a big juicy ass to attract myself a sugar daddy

Stroke the dog as if your life depends on it

Seven euros in my bank account

You die the day immediately after your retirement

Can't find my Bose headphones

Whip out my dick during the dream and start masturbating

Late for gym class

The day before moving day

Oldest Son's first trip to the cinema

The landlord's sister

Holiday, day 11

Holiday, day 7: JELLYFISH!!!!

My first Bodypump class

My experience giving a semen sample

2019

Dee-dee, ghosts and Colombian cocaine

Gacaca courts in Rwanda

2017

Uni-sex changing room

2016

Where's my fucking chips

Sneaking into an abandoned theme park

Days 1 and 2 in Japan

2015

Dream about Alton Towers

First day in Dublin

Going to a hockey match in the world's biggest hockey arena

Doors, Russians, and drugs

2014

Kayaking at Mont Tremblant

Tadoussac and whale watching

Thousand Islands and Toronto

Sitting on the balcony and feeling poignant

The difficultly of pronouncing "menthe" in French

Flights, Cheektowaga, and dry chicken

Snow, beards and Steve Jobs

2013

The Sky Box doesn't work

The grill is on fire

Where's my fucking keys

Someone in the loft

I'm back in England, and I'm not sure I like it

Quitting night shift

Who wants to do night shift

Bartending scam

Day 1 at Bugtracker

Storms, incest, and expensive scanning

Tests, murder, and Woody Allen

Insomnia, kids, and Paris Hilton

Booze, apartments, and Shakespeare

2012

Arrested for shoplifting

Chased by a French-Canadian security guard

2010

Sneaking back into my old school

My dad threw all the bin bags into the garden in a fit of rage

Driving home for the weekend

2009