The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. Last year, I went to a comic-con dressed as a Ghostbuster. But my costume was pretty shit as you can see from this photo:

So this year, I decided to go as a Ghostbuster again, but this time I made some improvements to my costume.

• Firstly, I've had a hair transplant, so now I no longer look like a cancer patient going through chemo; I actually have hair now. This helps tremendously in making me look like a normal human being, and it also helps in making me look more like a ghostbuster, as ghostbusters have hair. I should clarify that I didn't have a 5,000-euro hair transplant just so I could look more like a ghostbuster at comic-con; I got it so I didn't have to be bald anymore.
• Secondly, I've put on five kilograms since last year and I've been hitting the gym. Not literally hitting it, as the gym is made from bricks and I'd hurt my hand if I hit bricks. I mean I've been going to the gym on a regular basis. So while last year I looked weak, weedy and skinny, this year my body's stronger.
• Thirdly, I glued more cables and computer parts onto my proton pack, making the proton pack look even better than the ones in the films (in my humble opinion).
• Fourthly, and this is the most important thing. I sewed two Ghostbusters patches onto my jumpsuit, which, to be honest, was all my costume needed, so I needn't have bothered with the other three things.

So here's what I look like this year:

Those two kids I'm pretending to shoot? One's my son and the other's my son's friend.

On Saturday, I entered the cosplay competition, for which there's a 100 euro prize for the best costume. With 100 euros at stake (do you know how many euros that is? It's 100!), I couldn't afford not to enter. So, at 5 pm, I joined a queue to sign up for the competition. There were lots of people in costumes, none of which I recognised unfortunately apart from Princess Padme from Star Wars Episode I.

Then I turned around and behind me was a woman with a cute drawn-on moustache, a purple leotard, a purple cap with the upside-down letter L, and two bright yellow buttons. It took me a moment to realise who she was supposed to be. Then it hit me: she was Waluigi. She was Waluigi alright. But she wasn't just normal Waluigi. She was a sexy girl Waluigi.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I've looked for a photo online to show you what she looked like. The best I can find is this:

She didn't look too happy though. She looked stressed, angry and impatient. If I could guess, it was either because a) the queue was long or b) she was sick of guys like me staring at her.

Then the next thing I knew, she was gone. I didn't even get a chance to say hello, or to say "Waluiiiiiigee" in my best Waluigi voice. Why she chose to come all the way to Comicon in cosplay, line up for the cosplay competition and then scurry away before even signing up to enter, I don't know.

Anyway, one less person in the queue meant one less person to compete against, which ultimately translated to better chances of me winning. I got to the front of the line. Some guy gave me a sticker with a number (mine was 60) and told me to come back at 6 pm for the cosplay competition itself.

So, at 6 pm, I lined up with a bunch of other freaks and geeks in order of the numbers on our stickers. Because I had the number 60, I was near the back of the line. Three teenage girls wearing some kind of manga cosplay were in front of me. I asked who they were supposed to be. "We're from One Piece," one of the girls said.

"I know One Piece," I said. I know One Piece. I had to play a One Piece game for a month for a job once. "So who are you supposed to be exactly?"

"I'm Porche? From the Foxy Pirates?"

"Oh," I said. "I don't know that one. I only know Luffy. And the talking reindeer." (And in fact, there was a girl dressed as Luffy about ten people ahead of me.)

I suspect about thirty people in the line were dressed as characters from One Piece. If One Piece is that popular then I should probably read it sometime.

The contest began. Each entrant had fifteen seconds to get up on stage, do a pose or an act, and get off the stage so the next contestant could come on. My plan was to go up on stage, pretend to be scared for a bit as if there were ghosts around (totally ignoring the line "I ain't afraid of no ghosts"), then pretend to shoot my gun, then get back down.

When it was almost my turn, a guy dressed as Spiderman came over. He had a sticker that said 59.

"Am I too late?" he said.

"No," I said. "I'm number 60. You're before me."

Spiderman got up on stage. A few seconds later, the audience broke into a roar of cheers and applause. But because of the curtain, I couldn't see what was going on. Then Spiderman came back down the steps.

"What did you do?" I asked him.

"A backflip," he said casually.

Then it was my turn to get up on the stage. But how could I follow Spiderman? I couldn't do a backflip, that's for sure; I'd probably break my flipping back trying to do that. But it was too late to chicken out now. The host on the stage was calling my name: "And now it's Paul Jones, as a Ghostbuster!" Then the Ghostbuster theme came on and I jumped up the stairs, my heart thumping from nerves. I got on to the stage. A thousand people were watching me. As part of my act, I turned my back on the audience, so they could all see my backpack. Then I started walking backwards: one step, two steps, three steps... then I turned back around to face the audience. With a jolt I realised I was right next to the edge of the stage; it was a good job I didn't take a fourth step or I would have fallen off. Then I mimed shooting my gun while throwing confetti in my hand. The audience cheered. I pretended to shoot my proton gun through my leg, then hurried off the stage. I was probably up on the stage for no more than ten seconds. I felt elated as I ran down the steps, as if I'd just done a skydive. I passed by a bunch of teenagers in One Piece costumes and waited to see who the winner was.

I didn't win anything.

Ah well. There's always next year.

(EDIT: I found a video of the cosplay competition. If you skip to 20 minutes and 30 seconds, you can see me go up on stage in my cool ghostbusters costume.)