Sometimes I wonder what it will be like to be forty. I certainly can't imagine being fifty. By that point I'll be a different person, completely changed. I won't be me anymore. It saddens me, aging. I picture myself, years from now, meeting up with my old schoolfriends for the first time. They will all be successful rap artists, whereas I will be a tired beggar. And they will all be happy, as if they've found some secret that I don't know about. "You've changed!" they will say, but they will only be referring to my bald head. Inside I will still be the same.

The years go by slowly and quickly... how is that possible? It's why I try to collect photos and documents and videos from the past. Some people collect stamps or action figures, I collect old photos of my family.

One day I'll be old, and I'll think to myself, so what was the point of it all? I suppose this is where children come in. Once you have a baby, you love that little baby more than anything. Your life becomes devoted to helping your children. That's what my mom did, anyway. On your deathbed, you'll ask, "Are the children alright?" and as long as the answer is yes, you will know that everything is fine.

Tony Soprano once said (I'm paraphrasing), "There has to be more to life than this", and my friend Joe Dillon once said, "I just think some people's brains are shit at keeping them happy".