Dear Diary. I went to the indoor rock-climbing centre and managed to do pretty well until I saw a group of strong alpha males all around. It's a difficult rock face, you have to jump like a big jump from one rock to another. I was watching them not because I wanted to try but because there was the rock face next to theirs was the one I wanted to do. I think I looked a bit strange to people, I was just there on my own, everyone else comes with their friends or their partner. I'm just there on my own. Also, now I have like crazy hair that sticks up in strange places. Maybe I need to get a haircut.

Then I did an italki session with a girl called Maria today to practice my Catalan. It went pretty well. I barely stuttered. I have a problem where I stutter when I speak in Catalan now. It’s like I can't get the word out, it only seems to happen in Catalan.

I've been feeling strangely thirsty today. So I think I’ve got pre-diabetes, I might have to go back to eating a low carbohydrate diet again. No more toast for breakfast, that kind of thing. I’ve low carb diets in the past and it's helped. I feel like I'm dehydrated, most of the day it gives me headaches.

0-year-old laughed today for the first time. I was telling him, "No vull res! No quiero nada!" (I want nothing!) and it made him laugh.

When I put 4-year-old to bed, 4-year-old called me back and said, "Daddy, my willy has come out of my pants."

I said, "Okay."

He said, "Daddy, my willy is going to make a hole in my pants."

I said "Okay, let me see."

I looked and he had a big erection. He's only four years old. So I googled, "is it normal for four-year-olds to get erections?" I came across some disturbing paedophile content on Quora.com, not what I wanted. Anyway, as far as I can tell, erections in children are normal.

I'm going to Ibiza next weekend. My main concern is how to get testosterone from here to Ibiza. Maybe I can take testosterone packets on a plane, maybe the security border agents would confiscate them and then give me an anal search to see if I'm hiding anymore. At least that would be something to look forward to. My body has become reliant on testosterone gel now. If I stopped taking the gel for even a day or two then, well, I don't know what will happen. My body will probably shrink into a shrivelled husk. And I'll turn into Gollum, but instead of wanting the One Ring, I'll be searching desperately for testosterone. And when I find a packet, I'll call it "my precious".

It's 10:30 pm. I’m in bed and there's a car alarm going off.