Dear Diary. I had a realistic dream last night. Unfortunately, it wasn't a sex dream; it was a poo dream.

In this dream, I was taking 4-year-old to school and I really needed to do a poo. I left 4-year-old behind to watch a street magician while I ran to his school, the nearest place where there were toilets. I went inside the school and a teacher was there. I said, "I need to do a poo, where’s the toilet?" I could see like six or seven bathrooms. The teacher went to a map on the wall and he started looking at it, trying to figure out which were the adult toilets, the ones I could use. I just told him I need to just use any and I just ran into the first bathroom. And the teacher said oh yeah, that toilet should be okay. So I went into the bathroom, and the only toilet there was a urinal. So I sat on the urinal after putting down my pants and trousers and out came a huge, gigantic poo which filled the urinal. Then after that, I still needed to do more and out came kind of a diarrhoea, diarrhoea poo, that emptied my bowels completely. The stench was horrible. At the same time, a woman was asking me for answers to a test that she was taking she wanted me to check her answers. I was telling her that answer is correct, that answer is wrong. And I woke up a few seconds later scared but realised it was just a dream. I was suddenly certain that I had shit the bed because the dream was so realistic. But I felt my bum and there was no poo there. Thankfully, I'm not incontinent. It was just a dream.