The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. I've been taking testosterone for a month now. Testosterone is supposed to make you angry. Roid rage, they call it. I haven't experienced that myself.

Not until today, that is.

It all begins when a delivery guy calls me.

"Can you come down to the door?" he says. "I'm almost at your building."

So I go downstairs to the front door. We live in an apartment building and the front door opens onto the street. I can see people walking past: a woman with a dog, an old man and some children. But no delivery man.

So I wait.

Minutes pass.

Where the hell is he?

I wait some more. Ten minutes have passed now. For fuck sake. I'm wasting precious time here. I only have so many hours in the day, hours I need to spend getting rich and famous, not standing here like a prick.

So I stomp back upstairs to our apartment. "Fucking idiot!" I find myself saying. "Stupid fucking bastard!"

Girlfriend's in the living room. She's on the phone to the delivery man. I shout, loud enough for him to hear: "IS IT THAT HARD TO JUST CALL WHEN YOU GET HERE?"

Girlfriend looks at me with surprise.

"He's here," she says.

I go back downstairs. There he is, the delivery man, looking sheepish.

"It was hard to find a parking space," he says by way of explanation.

I feel like a bit of cunt for shouting at him over the phone. So I mutter "Thanks" when he hands me the packet. Then he's gone.

He got lucky, that delivery man. I could have grabbed his PDA handset and beat him to death with it in an uncontrollable, Hulk-esque fury.

The police would have then come. "It's another delivery driver death," the chief investigator would say. "Caused by roid rage. Third one this week."

Maybe if the delivery man had known he would be delivering to a man who uses packets of testosterone, he wouldn't have even left the house.

Anyway, I go back upstairs to the apartment. I still feel angry though. In fact, I'm angrier than I can ever remember feeling. For the next half an hour I struggle to concentrate on my work because my mind is still in a state of rage. I know my rage is an overreaction so it must be due to the restore store.

Anyway, there you go: roid rage.