Dear Diary. I wake up today deciding that I have to know which person the sign refers to, me or the guy next door. So I write my own sign, one that says, "Which guy? Me or him?" and then an arrow pointing to the apartment next door.

The cleaner's here, mopping the floors. She comes every Tuesday to spray bleach everywhere and put things away in strange places so I can never find anything. And I pay her to do this.

And I have to pay her in cash because she's avoiding income tax. So I have to go to the ATM to get the money.

When I get back, there's a new sign in the apartment opposite. I'm excited, like a child at Christmas. I run to the window to see what it says.

(You can tell how boring my life is because for me, this is really exciting.)

It says “Him but we like you too".

I feel disappointed. So Girlfriend was right. The first sign wasn't about me at all. It was about the guy in the apartment next to us.

There are a couple of other signs too, but I can't read them. They’ve written them in a green pen and it must be for the other guy.

I put up a sign saying, "He's 100% gay, I’m not".

A few minutes later, there's a new sign on their window: "Who? And when we do a neighbour’s dinner?"

I feel hopeful again. So there's potential for a neighbour’s dinner party with two teenage girls.

Imagine if we actually meet up and I hit it off with one of them? I'd leave Girlfriend in a heartbeat. It'd be like trading an old car for a Ferrari.

And it'd be a great "How I Met Your Mother" story. "Well, your mom, she put up a sign in her window saying the neighbour was handsome. But I thought the sign was for me."

Christ, now there's another sign. But this sign is for the guy next door. It says. "Don't worry, we'll leave you alone now." So the guy next door isn't interested in student-aged girls. I don't know what's wrong with him. Actually, I do know. He's probably shy.

Alas, this is where the story ends. I put no more signs up. Girlfriend's getting too suspicious.