Dear Diary. I dropped 3-year-old off at school. Then I decided to check my phone to see what gym classes were available.

There was a gym class starting in twenty minutes called Core. The description said you work out your abs, your glutes, and your back.

That sounds good, I thought.

So I pressed the book button.

Then I realised: glutes means bum, doesn't it?

"Glutes is bum, isn't it?" I said to Girlfriend.

"Yeah, it is," she said.

"Hang on," I said. "Is this one of those classes that's just for women? Because it's women who want to get big bums, right? I don't think men want big bums, do they?"

"Probably not," she said. "It’s probably a class for women."

"Oh," I said. I'd just booked the class for women.

Now, once you book a gym class, you can't cancel it. Not half an hour before the class anyway. And if you don't go, then they penalise you by banning you from all classes for a week.

"I have to go," I said.

"Don't worry, it probably won't be all women," said Girlfriend.

So I went to the class and it was all women. I was the only man. The younger women looked at me with suspicion as if they thought I was a pervert, which to be fair, I am. The older women though didn't care I was there.

Anyway, I just went into a corner and kind of hid there until the class was over.

But I did work out my bum. So if I keep doing these Core classes then I’ll have a big juicy ass, and I'll be able to attract myself a sugar daddy, which is where all the money is.