Sex hormone-binding globulin (SHBG) sounds exciting because it has 'sex' in it. But it's not exciting. Actually, it's a bastard.

It's a bastard because it binds to testosterone and stops it from working. That's its one and only function. It attaches itself to testosterone and disables it. It's a shark with a bomb strapped to its head. It bites into testosterone and then explodes. Note that this metaphor however may not be entirely accurate or scientific.

And for some reason, our bodies naturally produce SHBG. I don't know why. If I had to invent a body, I wouldn't include something like SHBG: something that cripples your testosterone levels. It's stupid. It's like throwing a spanner into the workings of your own car.

98% of testosterone is bound to SHBG at any one time, which I find ridiculous. It means only 2% of testosterone is free to go about its business. What a waste! Some people wonder what it'd be like to use 100% of your brain. (Which is stupid, because you'd be frothing at the mouth, every muscle in spasm, while you uselessly remember every memory you have simultaneously.) Instead, I wonder what it'd be like to use 100% of your testosterone. Imagine it! You'd be a Hulk-esque figure, violently smashing the city to bits while aeroplanes shoot at you from the sky, like in King Kong. It'd be great!

Some men have low levels of SHBG. These men are often studs. This is because their testosterone is free to frolic around their bodies.

Other men have high levels of SHBG. These men are not studs. These men are dweebs, incels, and virgins. This is because the SHBG keeps their testosterone under lock and chain.

Essentially, then, you want your SHBG levels to be as low as possible.

My SHBG level

I've never known what my SHBG level is.

Not until today, that is. Because thanks to a blood test, now I know exactly how much SHBG I have.

And here's the result: my SHBG level is 66.25 nmol/L.

According to the results, this is a normal level. Because the normal range is between 13.5 and 71.4 nmol/L. But I mean, come on: I'm at the high end of the normal range. I'm practically over the edge. It's no wonder I'm a dweeb: it's the SHBG!

So I'm continuing with my self-administered testosterone replacement therapy, of course. I won't stop until my body reaches 100% testosterone. I'll be a being of pure testosterone, floating around and smashing the city in roid rages.