Here's some photos I took of Montreal's 2014 Christmas parade.

First, a turtle giving hugs:

Awwwww. Hilariously, the mascots reciprocated all hugs, which meant all the damn kids kept holding up the parade.

Next up, comically oversized candy!

Choreographed infants in garish colours!

Japanese Santas outside a Burger King!

But then this reindeer showed up:

Is it just me, or is something wrong with his eyes? Just staring into the middle distance, never focusing, never blinking. Everything else about the costume is great - but there's just something ever so slightly terrifying about his stare. Perhaps he has rabies?

But as it turned out, Rudolph was nothing compared to the horror to come:

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Why is he wearing crudely-painted lipstick, a bit like Heath Ledger's Joker? Why is his grin a black hole of sheer terror? But most importantly, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET MARY JESUS WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIS EYES?

His eyes are looking in opposite directions, and his sclera is black! YES, HIS SCLERA IS BLACK! (That's your cue to google the meaning of the word "sclera".)

He sees you when you're sleeping... he knows when you're awake.... he knows if you've been bad or good... so be good, or he'll eat your face.

He looks like something I'd have had nightmares about if I'd seen it on late-night TV as a kid. He'd probably have been called "The Nutcracker Man". Please excuse me while I shit myself.