As a kid I always liked decorating the house for Halloween. So just for you, I'm passing on some of my easy, simple and cheap Halloween decorations. We're talking about decorations so easy that a four year old could do most of it. (That doesn't bode well for me then, because I always struggle with the sellotape and end up with a Gordian knot of tape, paper and body hair.)

You will need lots of orange and black paper. I estimate 20-50 sheets of each colour. If you don't have coloured paper, then just get white paper and crayon over it. Or you could be fancy and use a printer to make cool patterns - but don't make your dad mad by using all his printer ink, like I did with mine! When this happens, feign ignorance or blame it on your younger sister.

Sellotape and scissors are also vital. Ask a grown-up for help if you're under eight years old or drunk.

PAPER CHAINS

Great to hang around the house. They give out a party vibe.

1. Cut strips of orange and black paper
2. Make a loop from a strip by sellotaping the two ends together
3. Make another loop inside the first loop
4. Congratulations, you should now have a chain made of two loops. Keep going until you have a really long chain.

PAPER HANGING BATS

So easy to make, but quite cool as well. They hang from the ceiling, and when a breeze blows through the room they move like they're flying. Try to position them so people bump into them. Strangely, your dad will never remember to duck no matter how matter times the bats hit him in the face.

1. Get black paper
2. Fold in half
3. Draw half a bat
4. Cut out the bat (while the paper is still folded, so the finished bat is symmetrical)
5. Attach cotton or string to the bat using sellotape
6. Hang up off lights and other protuding objects. (They may keep falling off unless you use enough sellotape. Or try making a hook from a paper clip and attaching to the cotton with sellotape).

PAPER PUMPKINS

You might scoff at how simple these pumpkin decorataions are, but then again you might also get carried away and make hundreds of pumpkins, representing celebrities, friends, and the entire range of human emotion.

1. Get orange paper
2. Cut out a pumpkin shape
3. Now for the fun part: Draw a face, whatever kind of face you want. Scary, funny, ugly, weird.
4. Stick up somewhere with blu-tac