The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. Today's Sunday. I have a cold and a blocked nose. This has happened before, in October last year. That time, it led to painful ear infections in both ears. I'll be fucked if I'm going through the pain of ear infections again, so this morning I took a mucus-thinner called Pectox lisina and a nasal irrigator with the unfortunate name of Rhinodouche, which sounds like a vaginal irrigator for rhinoceroses. But now my nose isn't blocked anymore. Instead, mucus is dripping out of it like water from a leaky tap. So I guess that's good.

After that, I was going to go to the gym to do a Bodypump class, but my lower back felt sore. So instead, I took the kids to the swimming pool. 6-year-old surprised me by swimming unaided, without a float. He can only swim for a few seconds though before he starts to drown. Also, he hasn't figured out how to swim up yet, only sideways or down. But we're getting there.

Afterward, while we were dressing in the changing room, 2-year-old took my phone out of my pocket and videocalled my entire family. The screen was soon filled by my brother, Dad, sister Corryn, niece Sophie, aunt Dawn, and my son's willy. Then my oldest son pushed his brother out of the way to show everyone his willy too.

I took the kids home and we had lunch. Girlfriend put 2-year-old down for a nap. 6-year-old wanted to watch a film and Girlfriend suggested Big, the movie where a creepy fortune teller robot named Zoltar turns a 12-year-old boy into Tom Hanks. If that happened to me, I'd go, "Wow, I'm Tom Hanks!" and make a fortune signing autographs. But it hasn't happened to me yet.

By the way, in Big, a 28-year-old Elizabeth Perkins tries to sleep with Tom Hanks, even though his mind is actually that of a 12-year-old boy. So she's a 28-year-old trying to have sex with a 12-year-old. But it's all okay because it's the 80s, making it wholesome family fun instead of pedophilia.

Anyway, I remembered Big was boring. So I asked ChatGPT for recommendations instead and it suggested The Secret Life of Pets so 6-year-old watched that. He said he liked it.

In the afternoon we went to the playground. A mouse was running around scared. An older boy chased it and stomped on it. I was shocked. I've never seen violence towards an animal. I felt I should have stopped it but it was too late. The mouse was still alive but it had stopped scurrying around, I assumed its leg was broken. There were spots of blood around it. The older boys were putting the mouse in a box, but I took the box off them and carried the mouse to a food bin and put it inside. At least it'd have something to eat in there. And when the garbage trucks come tomorrow, it'll have a free ride to the dump, where it can live out the rest of its days. Unless the garbage truck has a trash compacter, in which case the mouse will become a perfectly formed cube.

We had brought chalks to the playground and a boy aged about five came up to us and said, "Do you want to see something?"

"Uh, sure," I said.

He got down on the floor and did a crow pose, which is where you balance on your hands.

"Wow," I said, impressed.

I tried to do it but couldn't, even though he's only five years old and I go to the gym almost every day.

His mom was a milf I've seen around the playground but never talked to. She looks about 25 and has long brunette hair. Her face looks Eastern European. I had the chance to talk to her today. I asked her if she was Eastern European.

"Yes, I'm from Russia," she said.

That's a bit too Eastern for me. I was hoping it was one of the good Eastern European countries like Slovakia or Poland, not an evil country like Russia.

(As I'm writing this OW, my foot hurts, I think I have plantar fascitis in my left foot. It's been going on for about two months now. It's another health problem I have.)

"Their dad is Mexican," she added.

"Wow," I said.

So that means her kids are Russian-Mexicans. I wouldn't sit next to those kids in class. Putin's their uncle and the Mexicans cartel are their grandfathers? They'd punch you and you can't punch them back because their relatives would bomb your house..

Her son was showing me how to do star jumps and push-ups. I asked the Russian milf if she or her husband are gym instructors. She laughed and said no. She said he gets it from YouTube.