The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. At 5 am, noise woke me up. People were shouting and laughing outside my hotel room. I heard someone shout: "Run! Run, quick!" More laughing. I went back to sleep.

At 7 am I woke up, and 6-year-old woke up shortly after. It was still too soon for breakfast so we watched Spidey and his Amazing Friends on the hotel TV.

At 8:30 am we left the room and knocked on Corryn's door. The door opened. It was Corryn.

"We've had a terrible night," said Corryn. "The room next to ours had some girls in it and they were awake until 4 o'clock in the morning."

We all went to breakfast. No one else was in the dining room; the tables and chairs were empty. The breakfast was a self-service buffet. I filled a plate with sausages, bacon, and eggs while reading bilingual signs written in Spanish and Russian. Wait, Russian? Was this a Russian hotel? Maybe there was a shrine to Putin somewhere. I mentally prepared myself to fight my way out of the hotel with a broken chair leg.

We all sat down to eat.

"So you were awake until 4 in the morning?" I asked Corryn.

"It was horrible. It was these teenage girls in the room next to ours. They wouldn't stop talking and laughing," said Corryn

"I banged on the wall to tell them to shut up," said Aurora. "But guess what they did. They just banged back."

"They were probably telling you to keep your noise down," I joked.

"Eventually I got up and went and told the receptionist," said Corryn.

"What did the receptionist do?" I asked.

"She knocked on the door, and when the girls opened the door, the receptionist said, 'Now come on girls, it's time to go to sleep.' The girls just laughed and slammed the door in her face."

"At 1:30 a boy came," said Aurora. "I could hear his deep voice. All the girls started shrieking with excitement."

Lucky guy. Those next few hours were probably the best of his life. As well as the last hours of his life. Maybe it was like when Amazon women subject Zapp and Fry to snu-snu in Futurama. I imagined the hotel workers would find his corpse dumped in the bath, and the autopsy would reveal he died of a shattered pelvis. "His pelvis has been smashed to dust," the coroner will say sadly, while shaking his head.

I noticed a strange curtained-off section of the dining room. Occasionally the curtain would lift and someone would come scuttling out to get food. An old lady, a man, or a 14-year-old boy. I guessed they were related to the owners of the hotel. Once they got a plate of food, they would sneak back behind the curtain again.

I ate four plates, Aurora barely touched hers. Maybe that's why I'm fat and Aurora's a normal weight.

6-year-old peered through the curtains as we left the dining room and saw they had strawberries behind there. We didn't get strawberries.

We packed. We left the hotel.

"So does anyone want to do anything else in Lloret de Mar?" I asked. We were all standing outside the hotel with our suitcases.

Corryn, Aurora and 6-year-old wanted to go home. So we got the next bus home.