A plaid-shirted man called Ben and his bald mate Terry
Dear Diary. I was thinking about getting T-shirts printed for my brother's stag party this weekend. So I went to the local print shop and asked the man there how much they cost.
"It's 7 to 8 euros," he said.
"That's not too bad," I said.
"That's per T-shirt."
I did some maths in my head and discovered I'd be paying about 50 euros for seven T-shirts.
"I'll have a think about it," I said and left.
50 euros just for some T-shirts with my brother's face on? I'll forget about those then.
***
Girlfriend has decided that we need to wallpaper the kids' bedroom. "It'll be easy," she said, forgetting to take into account that I have no experience putting up wallpaper, or indeed most other aspects of DIY.
But I'm trying to see it as a learning opportunity. So I watched some YouTube videos by B&Q where a plaid-shirted man called Ben and his bald mate Terry brush some paste onto wallpaper and stick it on the wall.
It didn't look that hard. And we've already bought all the stuff we need. So I got everything ready.
But then I realised I couldn't find my tape measure. Without the tape measure, you can't measure the wallpaper.
I decided I didn't need the tape measure, I'd just stick it up against the wall and cut along the bottom. But it was tricky. I managed to crease it a couple of times. Then I ran out of time because Girlfriend came home.
"I thought I'd try putting up the wallpaper," I said, expecting her to be pleased.
"What, today?"
"Yeah. Well, I thought I'd just try doing one strip today, then do the rest tomorrow."
"You can't just do one strip. It's supposed to be a surprise for 6-year-old."
She wants me to renovate the entire bedroom in one single day. She's imagining the scene from a home renovation show where the family enters the house at the end of the episode and they cry when they see the wonderful transformation of their home. She doesn't realise those shows have a team of DIY experts. I don't have a team of DIY experts. I don't even have basic DIY knowledge.
***
In the evening I went to a Bodycombat class. I got there late and the only space was at the back of the class next to this weak, scrawny guy who looked like he had never touched a weight in his life. He also had a hunched back. Coincidentally, I also have a hunched back. By all logic, I should have made friends with him because we were so similar, but I didn't.
There was this other guy who was muscular and wearing a baseball cap, and he went straight to the middle of the class and stood next to this girl called Mónica. She's a girl with a slim waist, sports bra, bouncy ponytail, and a big butt inside tight pink gym leggings. Men want to be with her, women want to be her. She looked at this guy coming to stand next to her and she gave a little smile. At least that's what I thought: I was standing at the back so I couldn't see.
***
I've arranged to meet Mariah and Arnau on Thursday for a drink. It feel like it's a bit weird: meeting a married couple for a drink. Sounds like the kind of thing where they ask if I want to join them in the bedroom.
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