Dear Diary. I wake up and 3-year-old is asking if it's morning yet and I say yes, it's 7 o'clock in the morning. I'm feeling completely tired and worn out. And I feel far more exhausted than I did before I went to bed. 3-year-old wants to get up and play. So we get up and he wants to play Rummikub, which is a game for children over 6 but we play anyway. And before you go thinking 3-year-old is a genius because we're playing a board game for 6-year-olds and he's only 3 years old, we're actually just playing an extremely simplified version, where we're just matching numbers together.

Girlfriend has gone back to bed, of course. She's the smart one. The thing is, I spent so much time with 3-year-old when he was a baby and a toddler far more than Girlfriend did that now he's more attached to me than he is to her. He follows me around and wants to do whatever I'm doing while Girlfriend sits on the sofa feeling jealous because 3-year-old won't play with her. When the next baby comes, I’m not making the same mistake, I'm going to completely ignore that baby and going to form no bond whatsoever. And then that baby will see me as an evil dad and won't want anything to do with me which will be ideal. Is it normal to be able to feel the eye bags on your face without touching them? Because I can feel my eyebags all the time in the morning.

I just want some time alone. Some time to myself. I hate weekends, I fucking hate them and I just look forward to the weekdays when 3-year-old goes to school.

Later I find myself screaming into a cushion. I picked it the cushion and now I'm screaming into it as loud I can. 3-year-old thinks it's funny so he picks up a cushion and screams into it too. Now we're both screaming into cushions, father and son.

I screamed so hard that now there are little things swimming in my vision, like tadpoles, I'm not sure what they are but they're gone after a minute.

Girlfriend is twelve weeks pregnant now and I said to her, "It's not too late for an abortion Girlfriend, it’s not too late." She looked at me as if I was an awful human being.

I wish I was one of those dads who goes to work every day and never sees their kids. That sounds like a nice arrangement. These dads, when they get old, they say that they regret spending so much time working instead of spending time with their kids. I'm the opposite. When I get old, I'll be on my deathbed complaining that I spent too much time with my children and not enough time working.