Dear Diary. I dropped 1-year-old off at nursery. Then I returned home and went back to bed for an hour and a half.

When I got up, I did some coding. Then I had a wank with the VR headset. Basically, you put the VR headset on, load up a porn video (through Pornhub for example), then you get your dick out and wank to porn on a massive virtual screen. The future is here and the future is wanking in VR.

It's a bit crap though. All you're doing is wanking to regular porn, albeit it on a giant virtual screen. The porn's still the same.

A slightly better way is to watch 360 videos through the VR headset. With 360 videos, you can turn your head and see behind you. It's a bit more immersive even though the porn's still in 2D. There's one on YouTube called VR Bikini Yoga, which is a group of bikini-clad women doing yoga on a beach. It's the lightest of lightweight porn but still, the VR headset makes you feel like you're actually there, leering over them while you fondle yourself.

I just hope Girlfriend doesn't come home walk into the living room while I'm in the middle of a VR wank. She'd find me crouched on my knees next to the sofa, thrusting my penis in and out of a 'Sex in a Can' fleshlight stuffed between two sofa cushions, with a clunky VR helmet on my head, and she'll probably never talk to me again.

I picked 1-year-old up at 3 pm. I then had to look after 1-year-old for the rest of the evening because Girlfriend had a physiotherapist appointment at 3:30 pm and then she went to a Eureka Kids outlet shop at 5 pm. She got back just before 8 pm when I was preparing dinner.

At one point today, 1-year-old was on his tricycle and it got stuck on a doorstop. 1-year-old said, "uh stuh, uh stuh" which meant, "I'm stuck, I'm stuck". I think that's the first sentence he's ever said. Subject + verb + adjective = a real sentence. He's almost two years old and up until now, he's only combined words together in ways like, "Daddy, this" and "Daddy, that". It's mildly interesting but not as interesting as VR Bikini Yoga. You should see some of the positions those women do. Which you will do, because you'll buy a VR headset immediately after reading this.