Dear Diary. Today I drove home for the weekend. I was happy to be on my way home, driving (I love driving). I stopped at some point in the New Forest to apply moisturiser. There was a service station so I parked, went in and took a piss. Then I set up the sat nav in my car. I forced myself to talk to it all the way home. I said things like, "Take the exit? I'll take your exit and stick the gear stick up it!" I also sang 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' when it was on the radio.

In the evening, my brother went out with his friend John and his family to an Indian restaurant since it was John's birthday. My brother said the Indian restaurant was really good. John's dad spent £115 on eleven people. John was sucking the marrow out of the bones. His nan pretended to be an Indian by using a napkin as a moustache. All his family joined in.

At night, I watched Matrix Reloaded (the second one in the trilogy). I even wrote a Facebook post about it. Then my dad's friend, Gary, came round. I spoke with him for the first time ever. The topics were cheese, jacket potatoes, and my car. He said to have cheese with mustard because it brings out the flavour. He also said to eat strong cheese because then you won't need to eat as much of it.