Today I saw a dodgy pop-up while browsing The Pirate Bay. I thought it was so good that I recorded it:

It's beautiful. A work of art. In fact, I like it so much that I'm going to describe each aspect of it in obsessive detail.

Dialog box

The first thing that hits you is an endless stream of dialog boxes like this one:

And underneath all the dialog boxes is a fake dialog box. It's dialog boxes all the way down.

I clicked the fake OK button to see what would happen. This page appeared:

This screen is even weirder than the first one. There's the Unity logo (software for making computer games). Also, the fake error message looks like something from Unity too. However, the background looks like a system BIOS or boot process.

I also noticed there's a different phone number on this page. This one is (0)199-346-0018. So it seems that the purpose of the scam is to get me to call a number.

System tray dialog box

Let's go back to the first webpage. There's also a fake system tray dialog box that looks like this:

It says

Windows Detected Potential Threat On Your Computer

Windows Security Essentials wasn't able to block virus. Error Code: 0x8024402x , windows couldn't install the definition updates.

So not only does my computer have a 'virus' but it also can't install definition updates. My computer must really be fucked.

Blue screen of death

In the background of the webpage there's a blue screen of death (BSOD). In the background. Jesus Christ. Whoever falls for these scams must be a fucking retard.

Windows defender

'Windows Defender' is there too. Of course it is. This webpage has everything. The scammer's mentality is to just throw every single scary thing at you in a big illogical mix, and hope you shit your pants and call their number. CALL THE NUMBER. CALL THE NUMBER.

Stephen Hawking's voice

On top of all this you've got Stephen Hawking telling you how bad the situation is. The recording says, "Critical alert from Microsoft. Your computer has alerted us that it is infected with virus and spyware." I downloaded the mp3 file so you can play it back to your heart's content:

[audio mp3="https://www.pauljonesblog.com/img/originals/2017-02_scam-message.mp3"][/audio]

Fake mouse cursor

My favourite thing of all is the fake mouse cursor. It moves around the webpage to make you think a hacker has control of your computer. And to add to the illusion, your own mouse cursor disappears when you scroll over the page.

Conclusion

It's Windows armageddon. There's a blue screen of death, and a virus, and a hacker has control of my mouse, AND Windows can't install definitions.

Did I call the number in the end though? Sadly, I did not. As much as I was looking forward to chatting with a Nigerian scammer, I had better things to do, like fill a bath with Maltesers and turn my bed into a pillow fort.