Forget clothes. In a very real sense, testosterone makes the man.

It is responsible for the deep voice, increased muscle mass, and strong bones that characterize the gender. It stimulates the production of red blood cells by the bone marrow. The hormone also has crucial, if incompletely understood, effects on male behavior: it contributes to aggressiveness, and it is essential for the libido, or sex drive, as well as for normal erections and sexual performance. Testosterone stimulates the growth of the genitals at puberty and is responsible for sperm production throughout adult life.

It's a fucking joke, is what it is. Some guys have high testosterone and get all the girls. Meanwhile, there's a human trash pile consisting of men with low testosterone who get nothing. Nada. Zip. It's not fair.

For a long time, I was in that trash pile. But not anymore. I'm getting leaner. I'm getting stronger. I can see it in the mirror.

It's easy for a man to get strong. He just needs two things:

1) exercise, and

2) testosterone

It's that simple. One and two. It's not rocket science. Anyone can do it.

I used to be weak and weedy. Now I go to the gym. Now I rub testosterone gel into my body, three packets a day. The instructions say to use no more than two packets a day, but fuck the instructions, now's the time to live.

I remember the tough guys at school who bullied me. I remember the guys on the street who sneered at me. They all thought they were better than me. But they were wrong. They weren't better than me. They just had high testosterone. I had low testosterone. They weren't better than me; they just scored lucky on the genetic lottery.

The only difference between them and me was testosterone. Now I have testosterone too. So they should be scared. They should be running. I'm coming for them now. Those fucking pricks.

I wrote this immediately after finishing Charles Bukowski's Ham on Rye and was still heavily under its influence.