Many things I used to do were out of loneliness. I would care a lot about which clothes to wear, which cologne to buy, to try to get a girlfriend. I thought minor things made a difference, but they don't, of course. There are other things that matter more: personality, looks, perseverance, and sociability.

Sometimes, rarely, I lay awake at night, unable to sleep, due to loneliness. In the past I didn't know what the emotion was. It was just sort of an angsty feeling. One morning, I remember, I woke up feeling extremely lonely. I was in student accommodation on my university's campus. I yearned to wake someone up, anyone, just to talk to him or her, but in the end I didn't.

Sociability is part of being human, whether I like it or not. There's no escaping it. A few years ago, I wanted to be by myself a lot of the time. I fantasised that I was the last person on Earth. This was my favourite daydream. I would be able explore the world, do whatever I wanted, without people getting in the way. Much like a zombie film, but without those pesky zombies. I didn't give a thought to how lonely such a situation would be.

At the moment, I can't say that I have any friends (at least, ones that I can meet up with) except my girlfriend. It’s not easy to make friends, either. It depends on the situation you're in. At university, for example, one has an endless supply of societies one can join, as well as one's coursemates. I suppose people make friends at their workplace, too, though at the moment I'm not working.

These are mere excuses, of course, because if one is sociable enough, one can make friends anywhere. For example, meetup.com is a free way to meet likeminded people. Another good way is language sharing (advertise yourself on the internet), if you're in a foreign country.

Like Scrooge, I've changed. Today I went for a job trial as backroom staff at a clothes store. The work was menial, but in the 40 minutes trial I was able to socialise with the other staff around me. It was this aspect of the job that I looked forward to the most - talking all day long with everyone, making jokes, expressing myself. Unfortunately, I didn't get the job.

It's telling that the second most popular website in the world is a social networking one: Facebook. I mean, the internet is a mindboggling invention, and I think people thirty years ago would have been surprised to learn that one of its main uses is sociability. Facebook and my email are the first two websites I open when I go on my laptop. I go on Facebook because I'm lonely - I want to feel the warmth of other people. It's as though each notification I get is a tiny nourishing flame. If I don't have any new notifications, then the site is cold and unwelcoming, and I feel unsatisfied and annoyed.

Actually, people are like flames. They warm each other with their sociability. Not being around people feels cold and lonely, like death.

I remember an animation I saw many years ago. I doubt I'll ever find it again. The main character was an anthropomorphised wolf. There was no speech in the animation. All that happens is she goes around her forest, alone, and then eventually breaks down and cries in her cave out of loneliness. The music - this guttural, emotive, angst - it shows you, on a slab, that this is loneliness. It's awful and gut-wrenchingly sad.