Home alone
My girlfriend left today. She'll be back in a month.
When she left, the loneliness hit me immediately. No-one to reply to me. No-one to talk with. Just me in my own head. Fuck.
When I got back to the appartment, it was striking how different it feels. Empty.
So what did I do after my girlfriend left? First I ate chicken. Then I masturbated to porn. Then I went swimming. Finally I spent about 3 hours writing a blog post about my top 10 video game songs. It's now 1am.
I don't like being alone, really. It was what I thought I wanted, a long time ago, but it's wasn't true. I'd rather be with someone. Family, friends, girlfriend, enemies, homeless people, royalty, whoever.
I think there's two things required for happiness:
- Being able to exert influence over your environment, to change it to how you like.
- Having someone around to appreciate you and value you.
I predict I'll go insane within a week and take an axe to the neighbour's door, à la Jack Nicholson.
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2014-03-16 MAria
Please don't...!
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