Erdington, Birmingham is home to the cheerily-named Central Square Shopping Centre. It's basically a little pedestrianised cul-de-sac with shops inside.

The following is some information about Central Square you never wanted to know.

1960s to 1980s

Central Square was built in 1965 according to a Facebook group called Aston & Erdington Past & Present. There's even a photo of the shopping centre in 1967:

From this photo, Central Square looked like a utopia. People wearing smart clothes. Shops with sensible signs in Art Deco fonts. Fewer people due to the world's population being half of what it is today. The only ugly thing is the choice of concrete instead of trees. But still, there was not a piece of litter to be found.

Apparently, some of the shops you could find in Central Square back then were Green Shield Stamp, Wakefield Army, Willerbys, Fine Fare, Rowleys, Astons, Ahearns and Braggs. I don't know what any of these are. They can’t have been very good because none of them is in business today.

Here's a comments from the Aston & Erdington Past & Present Facebook group:

Erdington was "the Village" and Central Square was "the Precinct" at least to us kids in the 1970s

That's a bit interesting.

Here's another one:

I worked as a labourer on the original building of the precinct in the autumn of 1965

Lies, Martin, you did not work as a labourer on Central Square. That would make you 80 years old, which is impossible because no one in Erdington lives to retirement age. They all die of lifestyle diseases before then.

The green shield shop was at the bottom left around the corner, great days, also my dad planted the tree in the square which was chopped down years later when it grew too big

Another heinous lie. No Maggie, your dad did not plant that tree. Maybe that's what he told you but it was a lie. A Birmingham council worker planted that tree.

It seems everyone in the Facebook group is pretending to have some link to Central Square out of some weird need for fame. I'd never do that.

I will now tell you my own memories of Central Square.

1990s

All my own memories of Central Square begin in the 1990s. I remember my mom taking me there when I was a kid. She would always do her shopping in two places: Iceland and Kwik Save.

Kwik Save

Kwik Save had an emphasis on low prices. They even had their own range of low-priced basics called No Frills. The packaging was black and white (colour ink cost money) and just said "No Frills" and nothing else.

You knew you were poor when your mom stopped buying normal crisps like Skips and Quavers and started buying No Frills crisps instead. You'd open a packet and discover the crisps were haunted and the ghost would follow you around until the next harvest moon. What do you expect for crisps that only cost 5 p? They weren't bad actually, though perhaps that's because they're crisps, and all crisps taste good no matter how cheap they are. With the exception of Monster Munch, I can't stand those.

Some other things you could buy from Kwix Save were Ovaltine, Penguin chocolate bars, Yo Yos (not actual yo yos but round chocolates in wrapped in foil), Club bars (orange was the best), Pot Noodles, and Oxo cubes.

But for some reason, the only thing I can remember about Kwik Save, apart from the shelves piled high with discount food, is Wagon Wheels. As far as I know, that Kwik Save was the only place in Birmingham you could get Wagon Wheels. For that reason, I will always associate the taste of a Wagon Wheel – marshmallow, chocolate, biscuit, and, I think jam – with Kwik Save.

Iceland

Erdington's Iceland was not the Nordic island nation, nor was it a land made of ice. It was a shop where you could buy frozen food. My mom took me in there hundreds of times yet my only memory of Iceland was seeing frozen packets of food with "LOW FAT" written on them, which annoyed me because I was skinny and would have appreciated high-fat food.

Erdington post office

I also knew Central Square as the home to Erdington post office. It was a stuffy old post office with drab colours and a musty carpet. My mom would take me there to get stamps and pay her Giro in. (I don't know what a Giro is, even today.) The most exciting thing was getting your passport photos taken at the photo machine.

Mothercare

There was a Mothercare at Central Square. One day my mom told me with great excitement that Mothercare had installed some kind of magical forest inside the store. She claimed the forest had buttons that made lights and noises when pressed. Well, I couldn't wait to go there. I imagined every inch of the walls covered in buttons, with each button emitting a enchanting glow when pressed.

One day my mom took me to Mothercare. I looked around excitedly for the magical forest. But there was no forest; there were only racks of children's clothes. Then my eyes fell upon it: a single, pitiful plastic tree in the middle of Mothercare. I walked over to the tree. There were six buttons. Only six buttons. I learned that day an important lesson: don't trust your imagination. It lies.

Photo my family in Central Square

I have a photo of my family in Central Square. Yes, for some reason we thought Central Square was a nice scenic photo spot. In hindsight it was a good idea to take a photo there as it's now the only photo of have of Central Square in the 1990s.

My brother, dad and mom are sitting on the bench eating chips. We used to eat the chips with little wooden forks. The chips were so greasy they would stain the paper and make it transparent. Coronary heart disease in a tray. Pigeons would walk around your feet, hoping you'd throw them some chips.

And my mom looks miserable. You would she could have smiled at least. After all those times she forced me to smile for my photos and she can't smile in this one. Do you know the reason she looks miserable? It's because she's in Central Square.

And the coats. Both my mom's coat and dad's coat are thoroughly practical and have no fashion qualities whatsoever. These are coats that say, "I'm a parent of four children and the best times of my life are behind me." Also, both coats appear to be too large for some reason. Why?? Is it that fucking hard to find a coat that fits??

Behind my family, you can see a tree, which was the only bit of nature in the shopping centre, perhaps even the only bit of nature in all of Erdington if you exclude the trees in the church graveyard.

There's also a newsagent called Central News. The signs in the window are for tobacco. Everyone smoked back then, especially in Erdington. The only people that didn't smoke were my mom and dad and I believe that's because they couldn't afford to.

Then there's a clothing shop (possibly the same clothing shop where my mom and dad got their coats) where the windows are covered from top to bottom with signs saying:

1/2 PRICE CLOTHING

1/2 PRICE CLOTHING

1/2 PRICE CLOTHING

1/2 PRICE CLOTHING

1/2 PRICE CLOTHING

Sixteen times, it says that. Do you think that's enough 1/2 PRICE CLOTHING signs, guys? I don't know. I think they missed part of the window there, right at the bottom. Some natural light is still getting in.

Other things

Other things you could find there in the 1990s were Supasnaps and a furniture store. And pigeons that would feed off fallen chips. My brother says there were a Greggs and a Firkins bakery next to each other, in perpetual competition like God and the Devil.

2020

I went to visit Central Square in 2020. Most of the old shops were gone. Kwik Save was gone. Here's a photo of where it used to be:

Iceland had moved out of Central Square and onto the high street. A bargain store had taken its place.

There was also The Money Shop (a loan shop that targets the poor and vulnerable), a St. Vincents charity shop, a shop called Sports & Fashions Total Clearance Store, and a food shop called Cool Trader.

Silent Hill 3

Googling "Central Square Shopping Center" brings up the game Silent Hill 3. Silent Hill 3 has a place called Central Square Shopping Center you can visit in the game.

This can't be a coincidence.

Although I have no evidence, I believe that the creators of Silent Hill - director Kazuhide Nakazawa, artist Masahiro Ito, and writer Hiroyuki Owaku - all flew from their headquarters in Japan to the dreary town of Erdington, England, to get ideas for Silent Hill.

Just look at the game Silent Hill and then look at Erdington. They have so much in common.

• The zombies shuffling around Silent Hill? They are clearly based on the people of Erdington.
• Silent Hill is built on an ancient burial ground and/or portal to Hell. Just like Erdington.
• At one point in the game, your character says, "I have never been to a shopping mall that I've wanted to leave so quickly." Just like Central Square Shopping Centre in Erdington.
• Silent Hill has a barbecued dog. Erdington has Greggs.
• Silent Hill has a room resembling a torture chamber. Erdington has clothes shops, which seemed like torture when my mom insisted on dragging me around them for hours.

Anyway, that was a shit blog post about Central Square. I hope you learned something. Please fuck off now.