Cryptic crosswords used to interest me, because I liked how a seemingly innocent phrase - a sentence you might easily find in a book - can have a secret meaning. The best clues read just like a normal sentence. Take for example die of cold (4,3 letters). How could a phrase so simple possibly have another, secret meaning?
By the way, the answer's ice-cube, because of the two meanings of die. Die as in death, and die as in dice. Geddit?
I made several crosswords for my university's newspaper, the Aston Times. But I suspect my efforts went unappreciated, because whenever I perused a used copy, my crosswords were always untouched, like fresh snow.
So in a failed attempt to get more interested from students I made my clues as puerile as possible, resulting in clues like "Young school nurse is extremely randy" (7 letters) and "Lubricate after starting sex -- dirty" (4 letters). Don't ask me what the answers are - it's been five years since I wrote them, and now even I can't solve them myself. Though I'm not sure they even made sense to begin with.
The following are my favourite clues from one particular crossword. Luckily I do have the answers for these, so click Show hint if you're stuck or Show answer if you simply can't be bothered to work it out. Oh, and if you're new to this, then here's a beginner's guide for how to solve cryptic crosswords.
Moist dicks are more pleasing, fundamentally (4 letters)
The word 'fundamentally' is an instruction to take the initial letters of a phrase.
Answer: DAMP
Explanation: The straightforward part is moist, which is another word for damp. The cryptic part is dicks are more pleasing, fundamentally. The word fundamentally tells you to take the initial letters of a phrase, so take the initial letters of Dicks Are More Pleasing and you're left with damp.
Doctor sips wee (4 letters)
Doctor means to change the letters around in the next word. Because when you 'doctor' a document, you change it, right?
Answer: PISS
Explanation: The straightforward part is wee, which a synonym for piss. The cryptic part is doctor sips. If you 'doctor' the word sips (i.e. if you swap the letters round) you get 'piss'.
Stage pets return (4 letters)
Return is telling you to reverse the previous word.
Answer: STEP
Explanation: The straightforward part is stage, which is a synonym for step (as in stage 1, stage 2, etc). The cryptic part is pets return. The word pets backwards (i.e. returning) is step.
A peak number (6 letters)
The straightforward part is number. And can you think of a synonym for peak?
Answer: AMOUNT
Explanation: The straightforward part is number, which is another word for amount. The cryptic part is a peak. The word 'peak' is a synonym for 'mount'. So a + mount = amount.
Standard dirty sack again (9 letters)
Again means that the previous word(s) is an anagram.
Answer: YARDSTICK
Explanation: The straightforward part is standard, which a synonym for yardstick. The cryptic part is dirty sack again. The word again means you should swap the letters round in dirty sack, in which case you get yardstick.
Garish genital exposure? Yes! (6 letters)
The straightforward part is garish, while yes means the letter Y. And can you think of one word that means the same as genital exposure?
Answer: FLASHY
Explanation: The straightforward part is garish, which a synonym for flashy. The cryptic part is genital exposure yes. A synonym for genital exposure is flash, and yes = Y, so flash + Y = flashy.
Car for a dick-head (4 letters)
When you see head, you might need to take the first letter from the word it's referring to.
Answer: FORD
Explanation: The straightforward part is car, of which a make is FORD. The cryptic part is for a dick-head. A dick-head, or the head of the word Dick, is the letter D. So FOR + D = FORD.
Restaurant featured in Sweater Yearly (6 letters)
Featured in means the answer is literally inside the words after it.
Answer: EATERY
Explanation: The straightforward part is restaurant, of which a type is an eatery. The cryptic part is featured in Sweater Yearly. The word eatery is featured in (i.e. it's inside) swEATER Yearly.
Roll vagina in (6 letters)
Roll is the straightforward part and vagina in is the cryptic part. I never thought I'd have to type these words, but can you think of some synonyms for vagina?
Answer: MUFFIN
Explanation: The straightforward part is roll, and a muffin is a type of roll - well, at least according to dictionary.com. The cryptic part is vagina in. Another word for vagina is muff, and MUFF + IN = muffin.
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