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Customer Relations

FREEPOST RSEH-TBGE-HBJJ

Plymouth

PL4 6AB

15^th November 2013

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to complain about a journey that my brother and I attempted to take today between Five Ways train station and Erdington train station.

In theory, the journey is so easy that any prick could do it, as the stations are only five fucking stops apart. Of course though this is Birmingham where nothing is straightforward. Perhaps the driver was a local inbred, because at Five Ways station the trains were delayed. We had to stand around like pricks for 25 minutes.

The train that did come terminated at the next stop (Birmingham New Street) for no apparent fucking reason, so we had to depart. From here, we waited a further miserable 45 minutes, only for a train to pull in that was heading the other way. This had not been announced, by the way, except for on the shitty overhead electronic display board. I would not be surprised if a few twats got on only to find that they had boarded the wrong fucking train.

In the end, I had to phone my dad for a lift, who was not pleased either, as there was fucking road traffic longer than my cock.

We tried to obtain a refund from the station ticket office, but we were given the preposterous excuse from some cunt that “Birmingham New Street is not a London-Midlands station” (even though it obviously fucking is).

Every day I thank god that I do not live habitually in Birmingham, but my brother does live here, and he takes the train more or less every single miserable day of his life to get to university. He tells me that delays like this are frequent. I am shocked that this kind of service is considered normal. If I had to rely on this shite to commute to work, I would quickly find myself out of a job due to repeated lateness.

I have enclosed our fucking tickets.

Yours sincerely,

Paul Jones