I come from Birmingham, England. Birmingham was a shit-hole when I was growing up. It still is, to be fair, but it was even worse back then. There was a stall selling counterfeit bags. Many of the buildings were grimy concrete. The sky was always overcast. Pigeons shat on your head.

People in Birmingham fit into one of five categories:

1) greedy slimy suited men

2) chavs screaming "Chantelllle!" across the road at their crying children

3) drunken chavs in high heels screaming "Chantelllle!" at their friends

4) overweight middle-aged men sitting around a table in a pub and talking about how things were better when they were younger

6) stupid people who can't count to five (When the government were creating their "5 A Day" campaign, they originally planned to make it "8 A Day", but they had to change it at the last minute because five is the highest number people in Birmingham can count to.)

If you don't fit into one of these categories then you're probably in Wolverhampton, and if that's the case then God help you, because Wolverhampton is even worse.

One of my strongest memories of Birmingham city centre is of people selling posters in the street. They would lay dozens of laminated posters on the floor in blatant disregard of the street trading laws. If you had asked one of these people if they had a street trading licence, they would have probably punched you in the face.

I also doubted the legality of the posters themselves. There was one of Homer Simpson smoking a spliff, his eyes red and glassy. I don't think Fox Entertainment approved that one. South Park was another popular theme for these posters. I bought a Cartman poster from one of these street traders once.

Homelessness was another problem. People would stop and ask you for money or try to sell you the Big Issue.

I remember once finding an unopened Mars bar on the street. I couldn't believe my good luck. I went to pick it up but my mom stopped me.

"Don't pick that up," she said. "It could be poisoned."

"Why would someone poison a Mars bar?" I asked.

"To kill homeless people," she replied.

Apparently that's how bad it was in Birmingham back then. People were leaving around poisoned Mars bars in an attempt to cull the out-of-control homeless population. Then again, maybe these people should be rewarded for their enterprising attitude.

But Birmingham has changed since then. It started when the Mailbox opened in 2000, followed by Millennium Point in 2002. But the real turning point came in 2003 with the new Bull Ring. It was like a sexy sleek spaceship landing in our peasant village.

Birmingham's metamorphosis continued. The new library opened in 2013 and the redesign of New Street Station finished in 2015. Even now, work is underway to redevelop the area where Paradise Forum used to be.

Nowadays, Birmingham is a lot different to what it used to be. It's like a Little London. My dad complains there's nowhere in the city centre to park for free anymore. There are parking meters everywhere now.

This Londonisation is set to increase once HS2 is open, the new fast train line between London and Birmingham.