Hello. This is God speaking. Yes, I know, you didn't expect God to be the host of this poll. Well I am, so there.

1. Right, first off, an easy question. Do you believe in God?

1. Of course.
2. Nope.
3. I'm a satanist and believe in the gothic powers of the 'Dark Lord'.

2. Why do bad things happen to good people?

1. There must be some evil in this world, or else we would not know what is good.
2. It's just the way things are.
3. I'm a satanist and believe the Dark Lord punishes all those not under his power.

3. Who is God?

1. God has no shape or form, he only exists.
2. Gandalf.
3. Satan's retarded younger brother.

4. Did you know that the world is not actually flat, it is instead a sphere?

1. Don't know, I can't understand the question.
2. Yes, I read about it in an atlas.
3. The world is as the Dark Lord wills it to be.

5. And, finally, what is the 'Meaning Of Life'?

1. To make God happy.
2. There is no meaning in life, we are only on Earth a short while before we die.
3. To fulfill the whims of Satan.

6. What did you think of this exciting and unbiased poll?

1. It was exciting and unbiased.
2. Gripping.
3. This poll is the meaning of life.

How did you score?

• Mostly a's. Bad news I'm afraid: you are religious. But don't worry, we can find you a 2-piece jigsaw puzzle to complete.
• Mostly b's. Congratulations, you are an atheist.
• Mostly c's. The bad news is that you are probably the anti-christ. But at least you're not Christian.