Did you long ago swap fashion sense for comfort and convenience? Or are you always losing your ear plugs, to the exasperation of your friends and family? Or are you even a dad who enjoys embarrassing his kids with inappropriate fashion choices? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, or if you weren't paying attention because you're a bit retarded, then you'll love these:

These are no ordinary ear plugs. No sir, these are ear plugs that are attached together with string. This ensures you'll effortlessly look like a twat wherever you go.

The string easily detaches from the ear plugs. This means that should the ear plug become stuck in your ear canal, you will have no way of retrieving it, thus requiring an emergency visit to the otology department of your local hospital.

According to the packaging, these ear plugs are ideal for "bustling downtown, the airport dock, and other places need to Noise".

So anywhere you feel the need to Noise - whether that's the bustle of downtown or the hubbub of the airport dock - just pop in these ear plugs and Noise away!

But wait! Before you chuck these pieces of shit in the bin, why not considering repurposing them instead? For example:

• Clean out your loved ones' nostrils.
• Transform the ear plugs into tiny postmodern Christmas trees.
• Plug holes in a leaking ship.
• Use them as buttplugs for a hamster.