His tongue dropped out and he started saying "Kitesurf, Kitesurf" like a demented baby
Dear Diary. I met Denise in a cafe. Every week she gives me a therapy session. Today wasn't much of a therapy session because she spent most of the time talking about herself.
She told me about some of the jobs she's done:
"My first job vas ven I vas 16 und I vorked as a vaitress in a restaurant. Every day I vud accidentally break something, it vas usually plates. Every day I broke two or three plates. The other staff there, they call me "The Sorry Girl" because I vas alvays saying "sorry" all zee time. One day I bumped into zee plate holder und about fifteen plates fell out on zee floor, und they all vent smash on zee floor. That vas a bad day.
"After that I vorked as a pizza delivery driver. Venever I had to deliver a pizza, I had to drive zee car out zee car park, but zee valls ver really close together und sometimes I scratch zee mirrors of zee car. Then zee satellite navigation system vas really bad und sometimes it vud take me zee vong vay und I vould get lost in a forest. Ven I finally found zee vey out und got back to zee pizza restaurant, zee manager vud be like. 'Denise, ver have you been? You have been gone hours.' und I vould say, 'I vas lost in zee forest.' und he vould just shake his head.
"After that I vorked as a bartender. It vas only for one night. It vas not so bad. The music vas too loud und I could not hear anyone's order, but I just mixed random drinks und zee people ver happy and did not seem to mind. Zee only problem vas I got home at 8 am vich vas super late und I vas super tired.
"After that I vork in an ice cream store. The best thing vas I vould eat zee ice cream all day. My favoulite vas zee cookie cream, I vould pick out zee little cookies and eat them ven no one was looking. Sometimes I got people's orders vong but I vud just smile und everything vud be okay. My boyfried Kai vould pick me up in his car after vork und vee vud eat five bowls of ice cream between us both.
"Then came my vorst job: I had to supervise teenagers in foster care. These teenagers ver pretty bad. They vud steal, break things, run avay. They broke into my room once und stole my money. I had to call zee police two or three times a day because of fights and running away. Sometimes I had to sleep overnight und zee teenagers knew I vas a heavy sleeper so they vould vait until I vas asleep und then escape. Even now sometimes I vake up in zee middle of zee night und call out, 'Is everybody still here?' und my boyfriend Kai says, 'Denise, that job is over, it isn't happening anymore.'
"Von time I had to break up a fight between a boy und a girl, und zee girl hit me hard on my back. Ve veren't allowed to fight back, all vee could do vas put our arms up to defend ourself. Ve called it zee Karate Kid because zee only move ve could do was 'Vax on, vax off'."
I was amazed at how many jobs she was bad at. And now she could add therapy to that list. Because my therapy session (which I was paying for) was almost over and we hadn't even talked about me yet.
"What are you doing after this?" I asked Denise.
"Vell I vill go to the phone shops and look for a new phone, because my phone is broken."
"I have some old phones at home I don't use. You can have one of those if you want."
Her eyes lit up. "That vud be fantastic."
On the way there, she told me she took her boyfriend to the beach recently and he'd seen people kitesurfing, and his tongue dropped out and he started saying "Kitesurf, Kitesurf" like a demented baby. Now she'd spent 2,000 euro on two kitesurfs, one for her and one for her boyfriend. He plans to move to Bavaria for a job but she hopes the kitesurfs will keep him in Spain instead.
Denise and I reached to my apartment. The apartment was empty; Girlfriend and the kids were away. This would have been the perfect time to commit adultery. However, knowing my luck I'd be caught on my first time, and Girlfriend would slap my face so hard my skull would turn inside out.
I gave Denise her one of my old phones. Actually, it's my father-in-law's phone. But he's dead now (he died of COVID) so it doesn't matter.
"Careful, that phone could be haunted," I said. "If you start getting strange messages you'll know it's my father-in-law from beyond the grave."
I unlocked my father-in-law's Apple account and reset the phone. Luckily I wrote down all his passwords down because he forgot them so often.
Denise said thanks and left.
It's 40 degrees Celcius tomorrow.
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