Dear Diary. Today's Sunday so both kids were home. The morning started well, with me reading 6-year-old the latest Dog Man book for an hour. At the end of the book I cried, as I do at the end of every Dog Man book. And as always, I hid my tears from 6-year-old. What made me cry this time was that when Petey the cat has the choice to be good or bad, he chooses to be good, and all his friends hug him. Ever since I took drugs in Ibiza, I've chosen to be good too, like Petey. I don't think Petey the cat has taken drugs though.

Then the morning got worse. I tried to tidy the house but everywhere the kids went, they left a trail of destruction in their wake. 2-year-old wanted some pineapple juice. I gave him a cup of pineapple juice and he dropped it, spilling it all over the floor. Meanwhile, 6-year-old was shouting "Daddy! Daddy!" from another room. I almost very nearly shouted back, "FUCK OFF!" but managed to control myself.

By the way, there's something you should know: I upped my dose of testosterone a few days ago. Now I feel more angry than usual.

Then 2-year-old wanted to water the plants. I gave him a toy watering can filled with water. But instead of watering the plants, he cheekily tipped water on the floor instead. I was tempted to tip a bucket of cold water over 2-year-old's head, the same way people spray their dog with a hosepipe as negative reinforcement for when the dog bites someone. Fortunately, I controlled myself. But I couldn't stop myself from swearing: "OH for FUCKING JESUS SAKE."

Then I had an idea.

"I'm going to the beach," I said to Girlfriend. "And I'm taking 2-year-old. If you and 6-year-old want to come, you can."

Girlfriend agreed that the beach was a good idea, so we packed our stuff and set off in the car. I snapped at Girlfriend when we started driving and the boot wasn't closed properly. I snapped at her again when she failed to point out a turning.

The kids quickly fell asleep in the back seats. For the first time today, I started feeling calm.

We got the beach. It was same beach I went to yesterday. Same sand, same dunes, same shimmering blue water lapping gently at the shore. No naked man like yesterday though.

The kids loved the beach. 6-year-old ran into the water up to his waist. Pretty soon he was feral, crawling through the sand on his belly like a worm. Meanwhile, 2-year-old was half toddler, half sand person.

"It was a good idea to come here," said Girlfriend.

We disagree on a lot so it was nice to agree on something for a change. I lay back and listened to the gentle waves washing against the sand. I think one of the reasons the beach is relaxing is the continuous sound of waves stops any thoughts from forming. Thoughts like: my brother's wedding is next week and I haven't finished writing the best man speech yet.

On the way we stopped at Burger King. The sun was burning down, despite it being only April. My phone said it was 30°C. We ate inside for the air conditioning. Both kids had a kids meal. Girlfriend and I shared a combo meal for 9 euro.

That night, I lowered my dose of testosterone.