The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. Today I went to a meetup for expats in Girona. Girlfriend encouraged me to go. She said I could make new friends. So I went. I didn't really want to go. People make me nervous. I decided I would stay for twenty minutes and then leave. I would tell everyone I had to put my kids to bed. They would believe that.

The first person I met was a Russian woman called Nastya. I recognized her. I had met her in April at a coworking space.

"Do you remember me?" I said. "I got trapped in a lift at the coworking space."

"Oh yeah," she said, laughing. "I remember."

"I was trapped in that lift for fifteen minutes," I said. "And I was pressing the alarm but no one came to help."

"We all heard it, but we all thought the alarm was something to do with the construction going on in the building."

"It was good I got out because I needed a wee and all I had with me was a bottle."

"Oh dear. Well, I'm so sorry about that. Would you like some wine?"

"Sure," I said.

"It's orange wine," she said, as she poured me a glass. "And it's completely natural. Have you ever tried natural orange wine before?"

"I don't know," I said. "I don't even know what that is."

She laughed, thinking I'd made a joke.

She handed me the glass of natural orange wine.

"That's four euros," she said.

"Oh," I said. I thought the wine was free.

I searched in my wallet. I dug out four euros. I handed her the money.

Some more people arrived. A couple from Montana. A blonde woman from Chicago. The blonde woman was in her early twenties and she was working as an au pair in a small town nearby called Riudellots. She had three children to look after: a girl and twin boys.

"Sometimes the boys, when they go to pee, they leave the bathroom unlocked? So I'll walk into the bathroom and see them peeing, and I'm like, oh my god, I can see their little penises."

Knowing boys, it's probably on purpose.

"I'd love to have an au pair," I said. "Not only do they look after your kids, but you can make them do any job. So you can say, 'make the dinner', or, 'clean the toilets'. And they have to do it. Or else they get deported."

Everyone laughed. The blonde woman looked a little hurt.

"But I can't afford an au pair," I added. "I don't have enough money."

I wish I could get an au pair. Au pairs are all beautiful girls.

The conversations continued around me. I was actually having fun. It was nice to talk to people. And I liked talking to people in English, my own language. Usually here in Spain, people only talk to me in Catalan or Spanish.

But I decided to stick to the plan: to go home early. I picked up my coat and headed for the stairs. "Well, goodbye," I said.

"Leaving so soon?" said Nastya.

"Yeah, I have to help make dinner for the kids. And put them to bed."

"Oh, okay. Well, Merry Christmas!"

"Yeah."

I felt weird leaving so early. Also I felt a little drunk. I don't drink alcohol anymore and now I have no tolerance to alcohol. A single glass of wine is enough to get me drunk.

I walked home. Christmas lights hung above the streets. I opened the front door. "What are you doing here?" said Girlfriend as I walked through the door. "I thought you were going to a meetup."

"Yeah, but I came home early to help put the kids to bed," I said.

"You should go back, it's your chance to make some friends. I can put the kids to bed."

She was right. So I went back to the meetup. But by the time I got there, it was already over. Natasya was locking the door. Oh well.