Eat the cookie
Dear Diary. The kids are asleep. Girlfriend's watching TV in the living room. I'm minding my own business in the spare room when I hear Girlfriend scream, "OH NOOOOO! OH MY GOD!" Then she shouts, "PAUL! COME HERE!"
I run into the living room, wondering what's going on. Is there a cockroach in her hair? Did she find poo under the sofa?
But no. There's no cockroach. It's just Girlfriend sitting on the sofa.
"You won't IMAGINE what they were talking about on TV," she says.
"What?"
"It's DISGUSTING."
"What is?"
"A group of boys were playing a game where they all form a circle...
"Right...""
I know where this is going.
"Then they race to see who can masturbate first on a cookie," she says.
OK, I expected the masturbation part. But not the cookie part.
"And then the loser has to EAT THE COOKIE," she adds.
What kind of sick, fucked-up kids would waste a perfectly good cookie like that?
"But that's not all," Girlfriend continues. "There's something young people do called the RAINBOW KISS."
Is this something to do with Skittles?
"The girl gives the guy a blowjob and the guy eats the girl out while she's on her period. So the girl has cum in her mouth and the guy has blood in his mouth. And then they kiss."
Wait, that's not a rainbow. There's only two colours: red and brown.
"And then...''
She's not finished.
"There's a game called Spring where the boy sits down and girls take it in turns to bounce up and down on his dick. The winner is the girl who makes him cum. And these are just children. Thirteen-year-olds."
Wait a minute. So while I was being forced to traipse around garden centers with my mom and dad, looking at gnomes, petunias and ornamental fountains, other boys were having ORGIES?? I knew it. I always suspected it, but now I finally have confirmation.
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