Cake
Dear Diary. I'm going to Ibiza in two days. The people I'm going with are discussing the trip in a Whatsapp group:
JAMES: I hear the london underground in rush hour is less busy than DC10 can get when it gets going 😂
Quirina: Yep! It's mental. Narrow room and low ceilings. You have to get everything sorted and commit to finding a space in the crowd and stay there 😂
I have no clue what they're talking about. It sounds like they're talking about the real London Underground, the one in London. Because the carriages of the London Underground really do have low ceilings. And it really is hard to find a space on the carriages during rush hour.
But then the next message reads:
Quirina: One of my fav clubs though
Oh. So they're talking about a club.
It was even worse last year. They were using words like Camelphat and Elrow. I had no idea what these things were. I still don't today.
6 pm
I go to a Bodycombat class at the gym. I'm covered in sweat and the class hasn't even begun yet, just because it's so hot today.
By the end of the class, I'm knackered. My face is red. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of cake waiting for me at home. Girlfriend's mom brought cake the other day, you see. It's a Catalan cake. It's basically bread sprinkled with pine nuts and sugar. I bet it's delicious but I haven't tried it yet.
So after the gym, I get home and discover the cake has gone.
"Where's the cake?" I say to Girlfriend.
"It's gone," she says.
"What do you mean it's gone?"
"It's gone. 5-year-old and I ate finished it today."
"What?"
"We finished the last piece today. I didn't think you wanted any."
She didn't think I wanted any delicious cake?
"Well I never got to try it," I say.
"It was sitting on the kitchen counter for three days," she says. "If you never got to try it it's your own fault."
She has a point.
11 pm
Now Girlfriend's watching Netflix. It's a show called How To Get Rich. On the show today are a couple, Matt and Amani, who earn $24,000 a month and are seeking advice from the show's host, finance expert Ramit Sethi, about how to get rich.
Wait. They're earning $24,000 a month.
Well, if you want to get rich, I'm guessing having an income of $24,000 a month helps.
I don't know if smug pricks Matt and Amani ever get rich or not because I can't watch the show anymore. I have to leave the room. It's like all those shows about property development. I can't watch those either. I swear I once saw one episode of Property Brothers where the homeowners had a budget of half a million dollars to buy a new house and still they were complaining that they couldn't afford a fourth bathroom. And here I am, aged 36, still living a rental property. The only home I ever owned was the one I built out of Duplo at the age of five.
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