Dear Diary. The cleaning robot's been missing for weeks now, presumed dead, like Dr. "just gone to see the lions" Livingstone in Africa. Probably it's run out of battery. But no one really cares. It's like when an unloved relative dies; no one gives a shit. That's because the cleaning robot is more trouble than it's worth and we barely use it.

Still though, I'd like to know what happened to it.

Well, I looked under the sofa bed in the spare bedroom, and there it was under the sofa bed, gathering dust, which is ironic for a machine that's supposed to clean dust. I pulled it out and gave it a wipe over. I set it down on the charging base and it beeped happily, so it still works. But as I said, if I hadn't found it, no one would have cared.