9 am

Dear Diary. I open the fridge in our chalet and there’s a Costa Coffee Cup with the smell of pickled onions coming from it. I open the lid of the cup and inside are five cherry tomatoes and five pickled onions. I put the lid back on.

There's also something mysterious wrapped up in a napkin. I open it and it's four pieces of corned beef.

11 am

We're the Butlins gift shop. There, among hoodies and mugs, is a book written by Billy Butlin himself: "The Billy Butlin Story: a Showman to the End". I want it but I don't want to pay for it, so I steal it instead.

5:22 pm

We're in the car, driving back to Birmingham. There's an hour left of the journey home. We stopped for 30 minutes at Gloucester services. 4-year-old and 0-year-old slept most of the way so far. My mind feels numb, like when you've watched TV for four hours straight with no break. When we got out of the car at the services, my legs felt weak, like they'd atrophied, like the spacemen who spend so long in space that their muscles atrophy and they can't walk when they get back to Earth.

[I've been reading the Billy Butlins book and there's some interesting things in there. I'll include them here if I ever get the chance.]

10:30 pm

4-year-old wouldn't go to bed and 0-year-old was crying. Girlfriend told me to take care of 0-year-old and I tried but he wouldn't stop crying. I knew his dummy was somewhere in the changing bag, so I emptied the changing bag upside down onto the living room floor. Out fell Butlin's arcade tickets, nappies, wipes, lollipop sticks, tissues, a bib, receipts and finally, his dummy. Girlfriend came in and saw the mess on the floor and 0-year-old on the sofa crying. She scolded me for making a mess. I was feeling stressed and angry and I got angry at her for having a changing bag that was so full of detritus and rubbish. In the end, we swapped children, so I put 4-year-old into bed, while Girlfriend breastfed 0-year-old. By the time both children are asleep, it was almost 10 pm and almost time for Girlfriend and me to go to bed. She took out a tub of ice cream and started eating it. She said that she wasn't sure if I deserved any due to my angry outburst. I pointed out that both children were asleep and therefore we both deserved ice cream.