Dear Diary. The doctor recommends that we start reading books to 0-year-old, even though he's only four weeks old. (0-year-old's four weeks old, not the doctor. The doctor is an adult man.) So I've got a book, it's called Baby's First Words. I turn off the radio so 0-year-old can concentrate on my voice. I've got 0-year-old in my arms and I show him the book but he doesn't look at it. He's looking at me instead. And I say, come on, you got to look at the book but he's looking at me with confusion. By the time I get the book open, 0-year-old is looking at the sofa now and has his eyes half-closed. Girlfriend comes in and wants to know why I've turned the radio off. And I say it's because I'm reading 0-year-old a book. In the end, I just give up, put the book away and get a Stephen King book from the shelf to read to myself.