Dear Diary. Today I went to a Bodycombat class. Just a few seconds before the class started, I saw an empty spot at the front.

Now, the spots at the front of the class are coveted. They're usually all taken by regulars, people who do the class week-in and week-out and know all the moves by heart. These are people who kick and punch with intensity and don't break a sweat. They could go on to be gym instructors themselves.

I grabbed the empty spot.

It was disconcerting. Being so close to the mirror, I could see myself more clearly than ever. And this is what I saw: a man with a balding head and a slightly fat belly, in a class full of lithe young people in their twenties. I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. I'm a man desperately trying to hold onto his youth.

Also, I realised, when you're at the front, you can no longer see the instructor. Oh well. It was too late to go back now.

The class started. Being in front of the mirror, I realised three more things:

1) I have eye bags, which comically bounce up and down as I jump.

2) I get tired, sweaty and red-faced quickly, just like an out-of-shape middle-aged man.

3) I often get the moves wrong. For example, a couple of times I was punching the air over and over, only to realise that everyone else had already stopped a few seconds ago. The younger people in the class must think I'm going senile because of my age. But it wasn't entirely my fault: I was in the corner of the room and couldn't see the instructor.

But I made up for all this in sheer EFFORT. Because when the instructor said, "Punch harder! AS HARD AS YOU CAN!" I took this literally and punched the air, over and over, with such intensity that I almost fell over. Because fuck you and fuck you and FUCK YOU! BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Maybe, thanks to the intensity of my efforts, I'll get to keep my spot at the front of the class. I'll become a 'regular' and other people in the class will look up to me, like villagers looking up to a tribal elder.

Then again, maybe the next week I'll be back at the back of the class.

By the way, today I kicked someone. Because between one of the sets, I knelt down to pick up my flask of water, and I somehow kicked something behind me by accident. I turned to look and there was a girl behind me. I'd kicked her.

She looked hurt but thankfully she was also amused. "Sorry!" I said.

I don't think she'll be going on a date with me.