The shit blog of Paul Chris Jones

Dear Diary. 4-year-old and I are making bookmarks. It's a good way to pass the time. Plus you get something useful at the end of it, which is more than you can say for most things. Like life itself, for example, where at the end, you get literally nothing, for all eternity.

4-year-old's scribbling a person on his. But what can I do on mine?

I figure I'll do Sonic. Sonic's as good as anything. Plus I really liked Sonic as a kid.

I draw a crude picture of Sonic from memory. Does he have ears? I can't remember.

I'm giving him white shorts even though he never wore clothes.

Under Sonic I write SONIC.

My bookmark looks pretty good if I say so myself.

But then I have a thought: this is my bookmark, my very own personalised bookmark, made by me. So I can do whatever I want.

So under SONIC I write THE FUCK, because swear words are funny. SONIC THE FUCK. Hahaha. It's supposed to say 'hedgehog' and instead, it says 'fuck'. That's what makes it funny.

Now 4-year-old's taken inspiration from me and he's drawing Sonic too on his bookmark. Good job he can't read or write or else he'd be writing FUCK on his bookmark too.

"You know, we can draw anything we want," I say. "I could draw Sonic with a big willy if I wanted. I could draw-"

"What?"

"I said, I could draw Sonic with a big willy."

His face lights up. "Yeah! Draw Sonic with a big willy."

So I add a big willy to Sonic. The cock's as long as his legs. I'm not sure how practical a willy of that size would be. I hope Amy Rose has a first aid kit. She's going to need it for her vagina.

Fuck, I just realised: I could have written Sonic's name as 'Sondick'. But it's too late now because I've already written Sonic. Oh well.

On the back, I draw Robotnik. How's Robotnik supposed to look again? I know he's fat and bald. But does he have hair sticking out the sides of his head or does he just have a moustache? Fuck it, I'm drawing hair sticking out the sides of his head.

Underneath I write ROBOTDIK. At least I managed to think of that early enough.

"I want one," says 4-year-old.

"You want one?"

"Yeah. Like your one"

Maybe I should just give him this bookmark. Then again: nah. This one's mine and I actually like it. It's special because it's the only bookmark in the world where Robotnik is called Robotdik and has two dicks sticking out of his head. Well, it is the only bookmark until I make another one for 4-year-old.

So I make a second one, identical to the first.

Unfortunately, it's at this point Girlfriend comes in and sees the bookmarks I've made.

"That's disgusting," she says.

"A penis isn't disgusting," I say.

"It is when it's that's long," she says.

Girlfriend leaves the room for a moment. While she's out of the room, 4-year-old runs and hides his bookmark so Girlfriend won't confiscate it. He's a smart kid.