Dear Diary. We're returning home from Japan. First a flight from Osaka to Amsterdam, then a flight from Amsterdam to Barcelona.

On the flight to Barcelona, I keep seeing groups of alpha males. They have perfectly coiffed hair and the kind of bodies that evolution has wet dreams about. In comparison, I look like a chav planning to steal someone's luggage.

One of them is taking his time while putting his luggage in the overhead locker. He then decides he needs to take his laptop out first. He's blocking the aisle so the other passengers can't get past. He's not apologetic though. He's taking his leisurely time and making jokes about it.

"I guess I'm holding up the queue, huh?" he says with a big grin and a twinkle. I try to think of a way to exact revenge but can't think of anything.

I reach my seat and take precisely 4.3 seconds to put my luggage on the overhead locker and sit down. There, you bastard. That's how it's supposed to be done.

Then another alpha male falls into the seat in front of me and groans with pleasure. The seat swings up and down from the force of his body. The seat almost touches me. The seat almost touches me. This is going to be a long flight.

I later find out that terrorists bombed an airport at Brussels. A couple of dozen victims are dead, almost 200 are injured. I wish they'd bombed my plane instead. At least that way, they could have taken out some of these alpha males.