Dear Diary. Today I have a day off work so I go to the town centre to shoplift things. I've even made a list of things to steal: Christmas presents, shavers.

The shoplifting spree is a success. I've got presents for nearly everyone now.

I go to the cafe in Marks & Spencer's for lunch. It's on the top floor and you get a nice view of Bournemouth town centre. But the main reason I like this cafe is that it's easy to steal from. They say there's no such thing as a free lunch but there is if you steal it from the cafe in Marks & Spencer's. All you have to do is pick up a sandwich when no one's looking, find a table, sit down, and eat it. Which I've done.

I look out of the window and watch the shoppers in the square below. I wish I had a friend with me or something. Christmas is depressing when you have no friends.

When I get home, I talk on the phone to Adam. He tells me about his school trip to London. His Classics teacher was supervising them, and Adam says she's weird - she was bullied at school and she's nervous around the pupils. Her boyfriend came on the trip too, which was strange. He cracked jokes like "We had corned beef and all the trimmings!" which I'm not sure even qualifies as a joke. He made that joke six times. Then he got angry with his girlfriend, the teacher, making everyone feel awkward.

*****

It's 12:45 AM and I can't sleep. I think Paul is still awake too (not me, but a flatmate also called Paul). He must be doing work because there's light coming from under his door.

I've decided not to keep chocolates in the house anymore because I only eat them all. Yesterday I ate two whole boxes of chocolate fingers. And today I ate a box of chocolates.